This may seem odd to people in Europe, America or the west in general but in African culture it is common place to have children living with their parents/guardians well into their twenties and sometimes thirties. Yep I know shocking!!! But this is especially the case for the girl child. Usually an African girl child will go straight from her father’s (or guardian’s) home/family home to her husband’s home/marital home. It’s only recently that western ideology has permeated and changed mindsets.

I should also mention that because it is common place, people who live with their parents/guardians well into their twenties and thirties are not viewed as ‘slobs’ or ‘lazy’….although that’s slowly beginning to change.

So this is for those who find themselves living with their parents/guardians past a certain age but desire to move out (and are unable to due to one reason or the other...) How do you survive? How do you accept your situation and live peacefully?

Here it goes… (This has worked for me). So disclaimer; I’m not advocating that this is a full proof method…

1.    Have A Positive Outlook

Yes I’m serious!!! If you have a ‘woe is me’ or ‘why me when all my friends are settled?’ attitude then you’ve lost before you’ve even began.

You’ll probably be grumpy and that will affect your relationship with your parents/guardians & siblings. Your parents/guardians might view your attitude as ungrateful and trust me you don’t want that. You know how there’s a saying that goes ‘happy wife, happy life’ well there should also be one that goes ‘happy parents/guardians, happy kids’.

2.    It’s Their House Not Yours

This applies more for girls than guys… in as much as your parents/guardians love you and want to give you the best in life, it’s their house. They worked their behinds to the bone to be able to afford you the lifestyle you have so don’t rearrange furniture (unless asked) or create housework/ chore systems (unless asked) because it’s their house, it’s their home not yours. So in as much as you have great ideas that will make things more efficient and effective do not enforce them unless asked because it’ll often lead to unnecessary squabbles that will do nothing more than ruin the mood at home and your relationship with your parents. So accept things as they are and make notes on how you’ll want your house to be.

3.    Respect Your Parent’s/Guardians Authority 

This is a very hard one to accept and to even suggest; because I think as human beings we are almost created to go against authority…at least that’s my observation over the years. You have no choice but to respect their authority on all matters concerning their household. Hence the old statement “while you’re still under my roof you will not….”

4.    Pick Your Battles…

In as much as you need to respect you parents/guardian’s authority, there are some circumstances when they take things too far!!! Can I get a whoop whoop!!! So it’s easy to get frustrated in these circumstances (and that’s putting it lightly, very lightly….) However regardless of the unfairness of the situation you need to be wise about when you choose to retaliate because it can’t be every single time. Let me give you a practical example. My mum is completely against the use of make-up in her words “I gave birth to two very beautiful daughters, there is no need for raccoon eyes…”lol I know….but I quite enjoy experimenting with make-up so I choose to put up with the squabbles because me putting make-up on is not detrimental to her or myself…she just has an opinion about it.

5.    Try and Be helpful Around the House…

This can earn you brownie points and lots of goodies (trust me). This is especially important if you don’t have a house help or extra hands to help with chores or household related things. However be wary of overdoing things, the last thing you want is to feel overwhelmed and also respectfully speak up if you feel like you’re being taken advantage of.

6.    Have Regular Family Meetings!!!

Family meetings really help to build unity, oneness and they are a great platform to raise issues and give suggestions on household related things.

7.    Enjoy living with them because it only lasts for a little while

 If you're really finding it hard to enjoy yourself at home because of how much you want to move out, find positive things about living with your guardians/parents and focus on those things.

I hope that the overall feel of this post hasn’t been negative. I guess since I have been under the influence of Western ideologies my mindset on living with parents/guardians past a certain age is different. So if you enjoy living with your parents/guardians please don’t take offence. In fact share your experiences.